Friday, March 08, 2013

Mini Weekend Blues

This weekend, I had grand plans. Had being the key word. I had to cancel my plans, and now I'm feeling sad about it. I'll go ahead and word vomit it all out on this blog, and then it will be over.

A few months ago, I found out there was going to be a miniatures show in Kansas City. Since my sister lives there, I could stay with her for free. It's been a LONG time since I've been to visit my sister without my parents (it's easier when we all share the driving), so I was really looking forward to it.

I told Dorothy about the Miniature Fantasies show, and we made it a date. Then, at long last, I was finally going to go visit the Toy & Miniature Museum in Kansas City. Even though I've been to KC many times, I've never hit up this incredible museum. And I was also going to return to Mini Temptations sans family, so I could browse longer and chat with the owner. It would work out great. I could drive down this morning, go to the museum and the shop while Dorothy was working, and then tomorrow, Dorothy and I could take Little to the show. I've been looking forward to this weekend for MONTHS. Months, I tell you.

But then I had a little financial hiccup. As a freelancer, I get paid sporadically, and this is one of those times. I'm expecting a check next week, but that won't help me at all today. So because I'm a responsible adult and all, I couldn't justify the gas money to drive to and from KC. I also couldn't justify spending money I don't have on minis and museums. And even though I probably could have at least made the trip to Dorothy's house, I would have been far too tempted to go to the mini show -- or a sad beast that I couldn't. So the trip was canned.

I felt the disappointment wash through me. I let myself have a moment.

Yes, it's "just a mini show," but it was also Something To Do. I've been searching over the years for something that really grabs my attention and makes me feel ALIVE. Miniatures do it. In the last few months, I've read tons of books about old houses from the 1600s on, and I've been stalking blogs for tutorials and interesting projects. I've been distracted away from my Blue Feelings and somehow made it through winter without having a true Depression Meltdown. My mini newfs have introduced me to all kinds of new people and projects. My Beacon Hill has kept me from staring at the wall for hours on end.

I haven't even felt bad about being single.

*record screeches*

In fact, I've been HAPPY that I'm single because I have free time with no distractions to devote to my mini art. I have time for study and construction. Painting and sanding. Drawing elaborate construction plans and researching how to do all of those things that all of my homeowner friends are doing in Real Life Houses in 1:12 scale. My parents have noticed that I've been happier lately, and they've credited it all to my back shots, but it's not just that. It's because I HAVE SOMETHING FUN TO DO! FINALLY!

Back when I took the glass paperweight class with Ed Fennell, he said that people who don't know what their meaning in life is "aren't using their talent." I've been wondering ever since then what my "talent" is. I know that part of it is writing/editing because that's my career, and I love it. But in my free time, I've fallen short. I've tried painting, stitching, orchid growing, crocheting, gardening, fishing, and a billion other things, but none of them have made me as excited and interested as making dollhouse miniatures.

While I do NOT feel that my calling in life is to make minis for profit or become a famous builder/collector, I do see how having a passion can change your life for the better. My grandfather discovered this when he started making copper sculptures. This passion sustained him after my grandmother got Alzheimer's disease. It carried him through hard times and gave him Something To Do. There is still so much to be learned from Grandpa (oh, miss that man).

Yes, I realize half of you might be thinking I'm a total nerd, and the other half might be thinking I'm totally awesome. Whatevs. You can't please all of the people all of the time.

All I know is that I've been looking for a Hobby for Grown-Ups since 2006, and it's all circling back to that moment in time when I bought the Beacon Hill and got bit by the mini bug. And finally, after all these years, I'm allowing myself to really revel in it. Climb in and bathe in it. OWN IT. I LOVE MINIATURES. So there.

So now you can understand how missing out on my own, special Mini Weekend might just crush my crusty, black heart, yes? Yes.


But there will be another show. Another weekend. Another time when I have more funds and fewer bills and no looming meeting with the Tax Man. It will all be OK. I will stay put, work on the Beacon Hill, and keep dreaming. I'll allow my mind to wander off into the miniland, where everything is tiny and perfect. I love it there.


terry said...

I COMPLETELY understand your feelings about miniatures. It's the same way I feel about hula. And I'm sorry you couldn't make this weekend happen, but you're right - there will be a next time!


Neen said...

The fact that you know your love of miniatures will carry you through this disappointment says it all, I think we all should listen to your lesson!

Maarten said...

Sorry to hear about mini weekend, hope micro weekend made up a bit for it