Wednesday, January 09, 2013
The Scary Back Doctor
Tomorrow, I'm going to go see a back pain specialist. I'm scared. I don't want to get an epidural that will make me pee my pants without knowing it. I don't want a steroid injection that might somehow be harboring a killer virus. Basically, I just want my back to magically heal itself without any work on my part or any help from medicine. But that won't happen. Boo hiss.
This particular flair started up... ? The middle of November? I'm not sure what triggered it initially, but it keeps getting worse. Then randomly, I have days where it doesn't hurt that much at all. The next day, I can barely move. My back gets hiccups -- spasms that won't stop where my whole body moves. It's annoying and painful. I can only do half of my PT exercises because the rest hurt too much. I am a hot mess.
I'm sucking it up and going to see the back doctor that I was supposed to go to last year -- the one that specializes in the epidurals. I'm just going for a consultation. I will see what I can learn and what his thoughts are about this episode of Blondie's Ongoing Back Nightmare. He is located at the hospital where I got the MRI last year, so he'll be able to see all of the parts that are pooching out or twisted or just plain Wrong. And hopefully, he will help me.
I've been to enough doctors about my back to know that our spines are a great mystery. I'm not naive enough to hope I will get a quick fix or solid answer about what's wrong and how to fix it. But there is something to be said for pain killers and muscle relaxers -- they DO help. Unfortunately, so many idiots abuse them that it makes it harder for people who actually NEED them to get ongoing prescriptions. I'm hoping that this new doctor will help me figure out which "degree" of back problems I have -- simple meds, shots, or full on epidurals? Please, oh please, let it be a small problem with a small solution. I don't want the big needle!
I have realized how blessed I am during this tough time. My parents have been super helpful -- taking out the garbage and carrying heavy things. Pa even scooped out all of my cat litter the other day. I was SO grateful. The smallest things can be the hardest things in the WORLD when your back hurts. Thank you for helping me, kind parents.
So even though I'd rather just sit here and cry about it and never move again, I'm putting on my big girl panties and going to see the needle-ish doctor. It's time. I need to figure this out and heal my body. Wish me luck!