Wednesday, December 19, 2012
My Sister and Her Cats
Last night, Dorothy and I were chatting when I realized we needed to have "The Talk." And by "The Talk," I mean that talk you have to have with people who don't have kids about what kids are really like. Except we weren't talking about kids, we were talking about cats.
Dorothy told me that she'd put Kizzy in Time Away (Why do modern parents always say Time Away instead of Time Out? When did that start?) because he was attacking Buttersworth (whose real name is Buttonsworth).
Dorothy: I put him in the bathroom and set the timer on my phone for three minutes.
Me: You know that cats don't understand the concept of Time Away, right?
Dorothy: Well, he needed alone time to calm down.
Dorothy explained that Kizzy was on the fritz. He'd gotten all riled up and was pouncing on Buttersworth, and Buttersworth was growling.
I nodded, knowingly. Then I let her in on a little secret. Cats love to attack each other. It's called PLAYING. I told her that if Buttersworth was actually mad, like really, really mad, he'd put the kabosh on that behavior from Kizzy right away. It would be DONE. Smack, bite, snarl! There might be blood.
One time, I came home from work and King's entire face was covered with blood. When I washed him off, there was one tiny claw or bite hole on his face. Head wounds. They're a b*tch for animals, too. I told Dorothy that I find little crusty marks on both Webster and Gretchen on a weekly basis. One minute they are snuggling adorably, and the next minute they are FLYING through the house at top speed, looking quite realistically like they are trying to KILL EACH OTHER.
It's a game. They are playing.
You can tell when one of the cats is super P*SSED, when the line has been crossed. Webster used to harass King on a regular basis. I would hear King crying and howling and would go to find Webster with his teeth chomped onto Kingie's sensitive back. I would break it up.
Even though Webster and King loved each other, they both went for each other's weaknesses. With King, it was his back. When Webbie got MAD, he went for the back. King was defenseless and would sound like a screeching child. I knew then to get involved.
And now, Gretchen has learned that the fastest way to annoy Webster is to bite his butt hole. Yes, I said butt hole. She actually aims for it. She walks up behind him and chomps his a$$. It's really awkward to see. And boy, does Webbie get MAD!
My sister has only had one cat at a time. She also only has one kid. So she's never seen "play fighting" between cats OR humans. Interesting. I know all about little boy brothers jumping all over each other from my talks with Kate and my other mommy friends of multiples. It's completely normal for siblings to look like they are trying to kill each other, too. And just as with the cats, when one of them crosses the line, you will know.
So yes, the cats. They will fight. They will go CRAZY sometimes for no reason. They will meow at ghosts and confuse you. They will find a secret nip stash one day and OH MY you will think they've gone insane. It's all normal. They will bite, hiss, and scream at each other one minute and then snuggle together in a sunbeam the next. One will sneak up on the other one in the litter box and all hell with break loose. One will snarf down all of the other one's food one day and not eat at all the next.
But most of the time, they'll just sit there like bumps on a log, doing nothing. What are they thinking about all day? Wouldn't it be kind of boring to be a cat? I mean, for reals, what are they staring at all the time? Because I often find Webster in the corner facing the wall, just staring. What is he doing?
Congratulations, Dorothy. You now have more than one cat. You are in for quite the ride. In my opinion, you are finally a True Pet Owner because before, you had these really quiet old lady cats and now you have two loud, young, funny boys. The boy cats are hilarious, no? I love them.
And don't worry, they won't actually kill each other. I'm here if you need me. I haz all of the kitteh knowledge.