Ear Whooshing Semi-Solution!

My father is quite deaf, and even though he has hearing aids that do, in fact, allow him to hear me better, he has decided they don't help and doesn't wear them anymore. I love my father dearly, but without his hearing aids, it's hard to have a conversation with him. I get frustrated. He gets frustrated. It's not fun for any of us. To be clear, I am the one who is right in this situation. Just sayin'.

Anyway, the other day I asked Pa if he would go back to the hearing aid place to get his aids adjusted. He has done this once before and it seemed to help the situation. He told me this time that he didn't want to go back. He's a grown man, so I can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. I also try to respect his wishes. (Except when I am right. Ahem.) But I had an ulterior motive for wanting him to go back--I wanted to go with.

Since I have decided to indefinitely postpone my very-expensive-ear-whooshing-correction procedure, I've been down. I also got really sick, which made the whoosh get OH SO MUCH LOUDER. It's hard to give up the dream of living without the whoosh. But I started thinking about Pa's hearing aids and got really curious about if they could help me?

On Thanksgiving, I brought Pa his hearing aids, put them on his dinner plate, and batted my eyes at him. Please? Being the wonderful Pa that he is, he put them in. But right before he did, I stuck one in my ear to see what it was like. And I could hear him! Over the whoosh! But it was just a flash in the pan. The whoosh was still there. We ate our turkey and went about our day and that was that.

Yesterday, I went to my parents' for lunch and to help them put up the Christmas tree. Ma said that Pa wanted me to try out his hearing aid to see if it helped the whoosh. So I went over, got the one for the left ear, and put it in. Pa adjusted it in my ear for me. He has ones that have been molded to his ear and then wrap around the outside. It was time for the test. We turned on Alias.

HOLY SH*TCAKES! Yes, when you put in a hearing aid, you can actually hear EVERYTHING. I could hear the light buzzing next to me. I could hear a clock ticking and the DVD player whirring. And then Alias came on and Sidney Bristow was screaming at me in all her glory. (I heart Sidney.) And after about an hour, I didn't even notice the whoosh. Like at all. Over the years, I've asked multiple doctors if a hearing aid or a tinnitus sound-blocking device would help me. They said no. Clearly, they were liarheads.

Let me be clear, I could still hear the sound of my own heartbeat. Oh, yes I could. But I could hear it "inside" my ear. The beauty of the hearing aid was that it allowed me to hear sounds "outside" my ear. And it made them crisp and clear so that I could hear them over the whoosh. Ma said I was talking quieter. I told her it was because I could hear my own voice. She told me I usually am a really loud talker. I told her that's because I can't hear myself over the whoosh. But I could yesterday. OH YES I COULD DAMMIT!

I wore Pa's hearing aid for like 5 hours and my whole world turned upside down. I went outside to smoke and heard leaves crackling and birds chirping. I was able to turn my head to the right while listening to my parents--something I usually can't do. Not once did I have to push on my jugular. It was fantastic!!

But I will give Pa this--the hearing aid does amplify sounds that you really don't want to hear. Like scratching your ear. Or that clock ticking. He says the hearing aid allows him to hear everything, but doesn't necessarily help him hear better. After experimenting, I can see how this could be true for him. I had to get off my soapbox of righteousness and admit he may be allowed to have his own feelings about his hearing aids. (It was hard. Ouchie. But I still think we could adjust them or find a different kind or something! Just because.) I can see how wearing a hearing aid would be a really, really bad idea in a loud restaurant or a room full of children. But in the quietness of my own home? Or in a movie theater? Hell yes.

I had to give up on my surgery because it would be expensive. And hearing aids? They are very expensive, too. It's also expensive to go to a hearing doctor. Been there, done that. Too many times. My last hearing test showed perfect hearing for my left ear--in between the whooshing only. When I was whooshing, I missed the beeps. I had to listen for them in between my heart tick-tocking. So I don't want to go waste money at another ear doctor going through the motions. Luckily, you can buy non-custom hearing aids online. They are all over the place.

So I'm going to do a little research, find the right one, and go for it. I was going to get myself an electronic dartboard for Christmas this year. But instead, I'm getting a hearing aid. And I'm freakin' ecstatic about it. MERRY F*CKING CHRISTMAS!!! WHOOOOT!!!