Phoenix Blues

So I totally lost the Halloween costume contest. Well, I didn't exactly lose, I guess. I wasn't entered into the competition. Even though I'd been talking about it for months, no one bothered to come outside and get me when the contest began. The firebird was too busy having a cigarette with a bunch of people and was in the middle of a conversation in front of the bar. I rushed inside, but it was too late. Seriously. Dude. I wasn't going to cry about it or anything. I'm a grown woman. But I did want to play.

Even though I had a phoenix on my head (see above) to trigger what I was, no one knew. I thought at least a couple of people would know what I was. Um, no. So I spent a lot of time explaining my costume to people. The overall consensus was that I was a tree.

People, these are wings and a tail:


And this is what a phoenix costume looks like from the front (without my red, sequined Dorothy shoes from last year that were outside lest they glitter my parents' entire house):



To show off Pa's amazing construction, here you can kind of see the harness that he welded for my wings. Then I took bamboo, covered it with red duct tape, and painstaking twisted, wired, and taped on each feather thing:


Here is what was left after the first wing was finished:


The really sad part about all of this? I totally forgot my camera, so you only get these pics from prep and the ones from Pa's cell phone last night. And yes, I did have my father drive me to the bar. I was going to wear red feather false eyelashes which would have meant I couldn't wear glasses, but they stung my eyes when I put them on. And I was already having a horrible day.

The migraine I woke up with yesterday lasted ALL DAY. I couldn't work. I could barely move. I tried all kinds of pain pills, but nothing helped. Finally, at about 9pm, the nausea and pain subsided. I was going out, dammit. Nothing was going to stop me. Even feeling slightly like I might die.

Most of the people at the bar weren't wearing costumes, which was sad. But there were a healthy amount of Halloween whores in there in extremely skimpy costumes. Rock on with your bad selves. A foursome of my friends won with their Flintstones costumes--huge feet and all. A beer pong table won 2nd and a purple fairy won 3rd. I sat at the bar and talked to people and stared at the television for a while.

The funniest part of the night was when a friend of mine came to tell me that "two, short blonde b*tches" were talking about me in the back of the bar. Apparently, they were saying something like, "That red tree woman thinks she is such hot sh*t." I snickered. Seriously? I haven't thought I was hot sh*t in at least 10 years. My father drove me to the bar. I was wearing a bird on my head. I don't think cockiness comes with that territory. Ah, young people. They are so silly. And the band was really good. A cover band played all night and they were fantastic. I haven't enjoyed live music in a really long time. So that part was awesome.

But overall, the night was a disappointment. I don't care that I lost the contest, but I would have at least liked the chance to compete. Also, a bunch of my friends came for like 5 minutes, but then they went to a legendary Halloween party at someone's house that happens every year. A bunch of people I know came in groups or weren't there at all because they were at other parties.

So I spent the majority of my night sitting by myself talking to no one and just staring at my beer. Reminder: If you want to have fun on Halloween, take a date or a good friend. It's just not the same when you're completely alone surrounded by happy groups of friends. It was so obvious that I was alone that the bar owner asked me to count out the container of tip money. So I did that for a while. And then I just sat there.

So that was my last hurrah. Next year, I will not put as much effort into my costume. Yes, I will still dress up because I really like it, but I will not be focusing my efforts on winning any contests. And I will be sure to make certain that wherever I go, someone comes with me. Because by the time this phoenix flamed out last night, she just felt very lonely.